The Little Green Man (#136)

To get our creative juices flowing, a recent creative writing class I took gave everyone the same prompt and then gave us 4 minutes to right whatever came to mind. I don’t remember exactly what I had written, but I do remember the prompt so I thought it’d be a fun exercise to give myself another four minutes and see what happens, plus nothing happened today that I feel like writing about. Feel free to play along at home, friends. The prompt is:

On an average day you hear a knock at the door, you open it to find the Little Green Man of lore.  Write what happens next.

By the middle of July in suburban PA, I was used to green. Green lawns separated our neighborhood from the even greener state park across the street, and the green of dollar signs reflected back at me from every Mercedes or  Range Rover parked in our neighbor’s driveways. Even the community pool had recently swapped out all the lawn chairs for brand new green and white stripes.

What I was not expecting was to see green in the form of a little green man, angrily banging on my door. He was not quite tall enough to ring the bell or reach the brass knocker, so he resorted to kicking and punching whatever parts of the door he could reach. In an effort to save my door from further assault, my hand reached out to open it before I had fully gotten a chance to process what I saw in front of me.

“Well it’s about time someone came to answer this lousy door! I’ve been knocking out here for hours.”

His voice was deep, not at all like the munchkin-like squeak I was expecting. As he was stood with his tiny hands on his tiny hips glaring at me, I realized he expected an answer.

“I’m sorry, but what are you?” I finally ask, “Leprechaun? Goblin? Garden gnome?”

“A goblin?!” he yelped, clearly insulted, “Do I look like a goblin to you?”

“Well sorry, I don’t have a lot of experience identifying little green creatures.”

As he opened his mouth to respond, his chest puffed up an impressive amount for such a little man.

“Listen lady, for starters I’m not a creature and I’m not a what. I’m a man, a normal man, with all the normal parts, just a little bit smaller and couple shades off.”

His face was starting to turn an interesting shade of purple, which I guess was a sign that he was starting to get mad. I took a deep breath; clearly I was going to have to be the calm one here.

“Okay, okay. Sorry for insulting you, but you still haven’t explained why you’re green and why you were assaulting my door for that matter.”

“I’m here because you hired me, and usually when people hire someone they expect them to show up.”

He pulled out a tiny business card from his pocket and handed it to me. “Lawn Wizard” it said, and I had a vague recollection of filling out an online request form.

“Alright, so you’re here to cut my lawn, but are we really just ignoring the fact that you’re the color of fresh guacamole?”


Ahhhh, the timer just went out but I actually had so much fun writing this, I’m probably gonna do something like this again.