Today is the day I knew was going to happen eventually. The day when I don’t have anything specific I want to write about, the day I am exhausted and just wanna crawl into bed and push this off until tomorrow. These are the days that I created this blog for, and then shared it so I had some public accountability. I definitely imagined myself at least being able to get to the double digits though before this day hit. 6 posts down, 359 to go and I’m already having a thoroughly un-creative day. But, because of this project, I gotta write something and I apologize because I don’t really have anything useful or particularly interesting to share. The best I can offer is just a small glimpse into the ridiculous series of events that make up my life, and hope that will be entertaining enough. Welcome to story time.
This morning I had to be at work at 8am. Yesterday, I worked a 14 hour shift so this morning I was dragging my feet a little getting out of bed. Just to clarify for those that don’t know, I work as a server so it’s not like I was running around an Emergency Room saving lives for 14 hours. I was literally just serving burgers and fries, so I really shouldn’t have been that tired. Also, to be fair, I’m basically a little bit late to work everyday, regardless of my schedule the day before. I read an article once that said that being perpetually late everywhere is really just a sign of an optimistic person, so I like to use that to justify my lateness a lot. Okay, we got off track here a little bit but the point of this paragraph is to establish that today, like every day, I was running a little bit late for work.
The majority of my drive to work is on a smallish, two lane road which basically just means if I get stuck behind a trash collector, or a school bus, or a Mommom driving to her doctor’s appointment, I’m screwed. Today I was stuck behind a man in a red Jeep who was actually driving at a pretty decent speed. I didn’t even register him until we got to the first red light and I saw his door start to open. However, the light quickly turned green so whatever he was going to do, he didn’t get the chance to. The next light we approached was just turning yellow as we came up to it, so Red Jeep Man (RJM, for short) took this opportunity to throw his car in park and head to the trunk to look for something. At this point I’m getting a little fired up, because there is no way RJM is going to be back in his car on time when the light turns green, and I’m already running late so I just don’t have time for this. RJM clearly doesn’t hear whatever curse words I’m muttering under my breath at him because he just keeps on digging through his trunk, clearly having a hard time finding whatever it is he’s looking for. Finally, the light turns green, I briefly tap the horn, RJM swears loud enough for me to hear, and gets back in his car clearly frustrated that he can’t find his sweater or phone charger or contact solution or whatever it is that could possibly be this important.
The next stop light we come up to is red only long enough for RJM to pop the trunk again before it changes and he has to start driving again. At this point, I am already two minutes late for work but I have to admit I was pretty intrigued by this whole process. We finally make it onto a major road with enough lanes for me to pass, but I decided to stay behind him for one more red light because I felt I owed it to all the Nancy Drew books I read as a child to get to the bottom of this situation. As someone who drives this road every single day, I knew that the next light was a looooooong red, so I was pretty confident he was gonna finally be able to find this life-or-death item. RJM did not disappoint.
The minute the light turned red, RJM was out of the car and had his head buried in the trunk. Right when the opposing lights started to turn yellow and I thought I was gonna have to spend the rest of my life never knowing what this man was looking for, RJM tossed out a big “woohoo!” and pulled his prize out of the trunk. At the risk of sounding ridiculously cliche, you will never be able to guess what it was. In fact, try and guess. Go on, I’ll wait–
It was a freaking TURKEY. A full, grocery store turkey, wrapped up in that red net stuff it comes it. Maybe frozen, maybe freshly thawed, who knows? All I know is that my boy RJM had a whole turkey in his trunk and after stopping FOUR times to look for it, he simply picked it up, placed it in the front passenger seat, and continued on his way……. I have so many questions.
First of all, why was it so hard to locate a huge bird in the back of your car. Did Mary Poppins design your trunk? What else could’ve been back there that kept this 40lb bird from being found for a solid 5-10 minutes????? Secondly, WHY COULDN’T THE TURKEY HAVE STAYED IN THE TRUNK???? What could have possibly been the reason that you desperately needed that turkey riding shotgun with you? And, if there was some strange reason, why did that reason not occur to you before you started driving? I was so dumbfounded by what had transpired that now the person behind me was beeping as I was the one sitting in front of a green light.
Unfortunately, I don’t think I will ever learn the answers to these questions unless RJM is out there reading this somewhere, but what I do know is that God did me a solid today. I may have been late to work and stuck in a shitty section because of it, but I got an awesome reminder about how unpredictable, goofy, and entertaining life can be and that’s something I’m always willing to be late for.